


Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

by wildwordwomyn



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-29
Updated: 2007-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwordwomyn/pseuds/wildwordwomyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared gets proposed to then angsts about how to, or not to, tell Jensen...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "This Is What I Hold" from *liath*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part told from Jared's POV.

Okay, Jared has to admit that Sandy’s great. His girlfriend. His amazingly sweet, amazingly hot girlfriend is what any sane guy would desire. He admits it readily. And when she asked him yesterday if he would want to marry her his first instinct was to say yes. Not just because she’s sweet and hot. But because they’ve been together so long it’s inevitable. Marriage, a white house with a white picket fence and 2.2 kids. The .2 being the dog. Although his dogs would really knock that number up to 4.6 if he’s to be honest. And he can imagine it clearly. Sandy pregnant, nursing, holding the hand of a baby who looks like him taking his first step. Jared, after him, if it’s a boy. Olivia if it’s a girl because Sandy’s fallen in love with the name. He can see it all…

But today? Today he’s with Jensen, his co-star and best friend, and this is all he wants. All he needs. Not that they’re boyfriends or anything. Because they’re not. Just close. Extremely close. Blood brothers if he thinks about how many times he and Jen have bled on each other during a scene gone bad. Kindred spirits. Today he imagines a life without Jen. Jen, who is more his than Sandy has ever been, Jen who finishes his sentences and knows exactly what to order for him from a Chinese restaurant without even asking. Jen, normally reserved and shy, who sinks into his hugs and smiles at him like he means it. He wonders if he can give all that up, because shouldn’t he? Not good to be so damn touchy-feely with another man, even if he is your best friend, when you’re married to a woman. Especially a woman you love. And he loves Sandy a lot…

The more he thinks and imagines, though, the more he feels Jen is a part of him. A part that can’t be cut off just because. Jen is in his head, his heart, his muscles and bones and everything else. Jen is in his soul. Like…like…like a virus. No, a disease. Terminal. Can’t just dismiss him. Can’t "tone it down" or say goodbye and have that be it. Never…Definitely not what he wants. Jared couldn’t handle that. Ever. Jen’s his. And he’s Jen’s……

That’s something he’s never considered before. Being Jen’s. Jen owning him like he owns Jen. Being possessed. Not a terribly bad thought. Now he imagines Jen marking him or something, putting up a sign, hell, graffiti-ing it on highway passes all over Texas. He thinks maybe he wouldn’t mind, wouldn’t stop him, wouldn’t put up any kind of fight. He thinks maybe, if he really had a choice, he’d marry Jen. Only he can’t. Jen is a man. He’s a man. He was always told how wrong it was. Even if he isn’t gay, and he’s not, by any stretch of the imagination. But he can’t stop his memory from recalling certain looks and touches and feelings he’s had over the time they’ve known each other. Recalling leads to questions he can’t, or won’t answer. At least not right now. Okay, yeah, right now, since Jen just laughed that belly laugh that not many people can coax out of him. Kripke said something he missed that Jen caught, and Jen is laughing so hard he’s actually giggling, which is very rare! He hasn’t told Jen yet about Sandy’s proposal. For some reason he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to lose this moment where Jen’s loose and free. He loves Jen like this…

Is this love? He’s wondering, like in the Whitesnake rock ballad from the 80’s, if he should be concerned. When Jen turns to look at him, still smiling that big, soft smile, he knows. He gets the answer he never wanted that always existed. From the second they met. He knows. Knows he loves Jen, is _in love_ with Jen, and really _does not_ want to marry Sandy because Sandy is not Jen. That is crystal clear when Jen lays a calloused palm against his bare shoulder. Jen is…Jen. All man and gentle and rough and tender and occasionally sentimental. Too much and not enough and beautiful. In every way. He’ll have to tell Sandy. It’ll hurt like hell. Seeing her face when he says the words. Telling Jen will be harder. The possibility of being rejected petrifies him. But he has to try. For Jen. Mostly for himself. He won’t be able to hide something so big. Jen, unlike Sandy, has always seen right through him. Shit! Today, he’ll tell them both today. And tomorrow he’ll just have to see what happens…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second part is from Jensen's POV.

Yesterday was good. At least that’s what Jensen thinks. He and Jay nailed all their scenes within five takes each. Would’ve been less if Jay wasn’t so damn goofy and constantly breaking character to laugh at the stupidest stuff. But it’s cool. Jen’s used to it. He’s been working with Jay long enough to know how he is. How he’d rather have a strawberry smoothie than coffee. How he can wake up at dawn and be alert. How he can eat pounds of candy a day and not gain weight or rot his teeth. How he’s the sappiest, most sentimental slob he’s ever known. Just look at the way he treats his girlfriend. Like a princess. Sandy deserves it, he’ll give him that. She’s a great woman, and if he were to ever marry anyone it’d be someone just like her. But he doesn’t think about it. Marriage. His mother tries to get him to. Even Jay talks about it now. What it’d be like…

Today Jay finally tells him what he’s been assuming for a while now. That he and Sandy are- But Jay doesn’t say it. He says instead that Sandy did the proposing, and he turned her down. Jen starts to ask why, starts to tell him he’s an idiot for making such a bad decision, when more words pop out of Jay’s mouth. Words that completely floor him. Somehow, while Jay was soul-searching about the proposal, he’s figured out that he, if he marries anyone, will marry Jen…

Jen laughs long and loud. Can’t help it. The look on Jay’s face is comical. Because he believes what he’s saying to him. And Jen knows there’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere. Just gotta be. But Jay isn’t laughing. At all. Jen sobers up in an instant. Especially when he realizes that Jay is a bad liar. That something like this would never be turned into a practical joke with him, that Jay is serious. And when he finally admits that he’s _in love_ with him, Jen’s jaw inhinges itself with ease. Next thing he knows Jay is stepping forward, crowding his personal space, leaning in, and actually _kissing_ him. Jen, for all his faults, is at a loss. He’s only been kissed once by another guy, for a movie he did a long time ago that was never released, and he didn’t feel one way or the other about it. He was acting. This is different. It’s Jay. And it’s real. And it feels nice. It feels like the kind of kiss he can’t ignore. When Jay pulls back his lips are red and he’s shaking. There’s a dazed look to his gaze that Jen’s sure his own eyes mirror. Because his lips are tingling. He touches them softly in wonder, then smiles. It’s automatic, the way he reacts to Jay. Even to this new side of Jay…

He thinks about tomorrow, about what’s gonna happen. About how he’ll still work with the guy, about how he’ll ever look Sandy in the eye again, how he can’t stop feeling the kiss. He wants it again, wants Jay’s body big and warm against his own. And he gets it. Gets exactly what Jay’s thinking and feeling about him. Because he’s beginning to think and feel the same way. More than anything he thinks about how it’s probably bad etiquette to contemplate having sex with his straight best friend who has just broken up with the girlfriend who proposed only yesterday to be with him, which makes him a homewrecker whether he asked for it or not. Really bad etiquette, but now the image is there, in his mind, on repeat, and it’s not going away. When Jay leans in almost as if by force of gravity he doesn’t even try to back away. He takes it in, and kisses back. Tomorrow, Jen knows, all hell will break loose, but right now all that matters is the sensation of Jay’s palm cupping his chin as he holds him close. Today Jen decides to worry about tomorrow tomorrow…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This third and last part is from Sandy's POV.

Sandy has been with Jared so long, been loving him so long, that she can’t imagine a life without him. Never thought she’d have to. And it’s not like they’d never talked about marriage before, about the possiblity of it in their future. She figured she was a feminist, she was strong, she knew what she wanted, so she proposed yesterday. Just popped the question out while they sat in the living room of her family’s vacation cottage in Martha’s Vineyard. He’d looked so right there beside her, close enough to touch, far enough away to let her breathe on her own, like he always was. Within reach. And it worked for them. Always had. That’s why she loves him so much. Because he loves so completely, so willingly, all instinct and gut feelings and the kind of inate knowledge that most men just don’t have when it comes to women.

But today, today Jared, her Jared, has told her he doesn’t want to marry her. That he still loves her, always will, but his heart now belongs to another. He doesn’t tell her who, doesn’t have to. She knows as soon as he looks away. Reads it in the angle of his body, the lines of his sad smile. She doesn’t understand, but she knows. And this is what kills her, the knowing. Because she will never be able to compete, compare, with him. It’s not about his gender. Jared isn’t gay or bisexual. But Jensen, something uique and real and perfect about Jensen that her Jared has responded to. She asks in a choked whisper when he figured out how he felt about his best friend. He refuses to answer. Says he doesn’t want to hurt her even more. It isn’t until she literally screams for details that he says he doesn’t know. That he maybe started having these feelings when they first met. And that right there, that breaks her. She doesn’t ask for more. Just leaves his extended-stay hotel room in a cocoon of silence.

Later that night she drinks tequila straight from the bottle, as Jensen would, and makes herself sick. From too much hard alcohol and not enough food to soak it up, and from too much heartache. Sandy’s really not sure she will ever recover. As she drinks, and tries not to remember, she hates herself for not being able to blame Jared. For not being able to hate him. How can she? The man she would still give her heart back to if he wished it? The man she imagined growing old and grey with? The man she she gave her body and soul to in a way she has never given before? She looks blearily around the cottage, missing him like crazy, wanting him like crazy, needing him to take it all back, knowing she has lost his love for good. Before she passes out she vows to herself to never speak to him again, but she knows she’s lying.

Tomorrow he’ll call, and she’ll pick up, and somehow they’ll remain in each other’s lives. Somehow she’ll accept that he belongs to him now, and she’ll smile, and share inside jokes with Jensen. Tomorrow she’ll deal with the fallout from her family, and his, and their friends, and she’ll be the one to ease the news of his new love into conversations while her heart will break a little more. Tomorrow she’ll just learn to start dealing period. Today, though, is not yet tomorrow, and all she wants to do is cry him out of her system. Until there’s an ocean of tears. Until she can’t cry anymore. Today she’ll ring in tomorrow with a hangover that, thankfully, hurts her heart worse than anything else could…


End file.
